|| See me as I @m

Monday, February 21, 2005

~When can I find.....true happiness?~

I think I've figured out where all my unhappiness came from.

I came out with the theory that I'm upset most of the time b'cos I'm upset with myself.

I've been living for almost 21 years but what accomplishments have I made that I'm proud of? I noe u will say I'm still young and still has lots of time and that most pple dun even have much achievements at the age of 40 and blah blah blah...but u have to agree that they have at least one thing they can be proud of! I feel like I have none...

My academic grades ain't fantastic. I'm not gd in sports. I suck at basic human communication skills. I have not been a very gd friend to anyone and dun have truck loads of friends. Hell, I dun even have 10 very gd friends! And the list goes on and on...

I have not even done anything my parents can be proud of! I remember when I was young my parents are really proud of my academic grades (not like they were very great either...) but my grades have been going downhill...no, let me correct that...my grades have dropped down a steep cliff! Well, at least now they can be proud of my bro's grades...which have been the opposite of mine...! For those of u who dunno...my bro is not getting straight As...he's getting straight DISTINCTIONs!

I feel like a bum, garabage, trash, who is place on this earth to waste my parent's and earth's resources...

I dun think I can find true happiness till I'm at peace with myself...

I penned @ 10:09 pm
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Sunday, February 20, 2005

~I hate this!~

I think I'm mentally unstable.

I'm going thru this stage whereby my emotions are running amock in a rather "see-saw-ing" way! It's like one day i'm sad, the next day happy and the day after ok and so on so forth. It's going round n round in circles!

Maybe it's b'cos I'm stressed. But it seems that my stress level is following my mood...if I'm moody den I feel really stress, happy den not stress at all!

I hate this emotional roller-coaster ride!

As u can tell...I'm really really really really moody now! And it was less than 24hrs ago that I was blogging a happy post...

I penned @ 10:38 pm
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~First time!~

Guess what I did today!! Or rather yesterday since it's 12 midnight now...For the first time in my life (Yes...almost 21 years of my life), I've baked a cake! Wahahaha!

Surprise surprise! I did it with my flatmates! Surprise again! Haha...yes...did i mention that I dun really talk to my flatmates much? Yeah...so it's surprising that I am actually bonding with them now!

Guess it's cause I opted to stay in the shared kitchen/living room tonight instead of heading to my room immediately after dinner. And one of them suddenly said that she felt like making a cake and covering it with tons of chocolate but she did not noe how to make it. Another flatmate den said she noes how to bake a cake but doesn't have chocolates.

So...we went and bought chocolates (6 whole bars! lol!)...and viola...

That was half-way done...with 2 bars of chocs covering it...tried to melt down one more bar but it got burnt...probably due to the left-over remnants of the previous bars...but clean the utensils up and melted 1 n half more bars and tada...

Wasn't really how we hoped it would turn out to be but well, it's our first time rite? Like they say...there's always another time to improve on it!

And now the cake is sitting in the fridge...cooling down...and waiting for us to eat it later today! For now...it's bed time...yawn...

I penned @ 12:00 am
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Wednesday, February 16, 2005

~Isn't it Ironic!~

I think it's so ironic.

I juz looked up at my pin board and saw the smiley face...yes...my trademark smiley face...that I've juz made yesterday. It's there to remind me to smile and be happy. But I juz can't do it now...

Guess it's time to hit the sheets...

I penned @ 10:01 pm
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~Fallen very very deep down....~

I've fallen into the depths of melancholy again...

I dunno what's wrong...guess it's one of those days...maybe due to the lack of sleep and the piling up of workloads.....

Just gonna leave you with this song....

R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts

When the day is long and the night,
the night is yours alone,
When you're sure you've had enough of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go,
'cause everybody cries and everybody hurts sometimes

Sometimes everything is wrong.
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone, (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go, (hold on)
When you think you've had too much of this life, well hang on

'Cause everybody hurts.
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts. Don't throw your hand.
Oh, no. Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone, no, no, no, you are not alone

If you're on your own in this life,
the days and nights are long,
When you think you've had too much of this life to hang on

Well, everybody hurts sometimes,
Everybody cries. And everybody hurts sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes. So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts. You are not alone

I penned @ 9:00 pm
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Monday, February 14, 2005

~Movies galore!~

Been watching movies these few days...(not in the cinema! Wahaha! Piracy whore now!) And they have all been good! Juz watched finish American History X. I like movies like that, war, hatred, love...there's always a lesson to be learnt!

BTW, heard that there's another terrorist group called MILF...moro islamic something something i think...haha! Saw on someone's blog that if u type that in in any search engine u might get a eh...pleasant/shock (depending on ur gender?? Haha!) surprise! Yea...u might have guessed...it brings u to loads of porn sites!

I was wondering why does that bring abt all those porns! And that day my question was answered! Haha...on mtv! lol! They were talking about Britney Spears and her new craze of outrageous wordings tees! And she wore one with MILF in-training tee! So...how many of u do actually noe what that means? Be truthful now! lol! Well...it means...Mother I Like to Fuck! Ho ho!

Now i wonder if I should really put that down...lol! I dun really noe who are my readers ya noe?! Dun wanna corrupt their minds! lol! Aaahhh...fuck it! Like I never used vulgarities in any of my other posts before!

I penned @ 9:51 pm
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~I'm l33t!~

Hai...my bro is at the airport now! haha...his turn to fly back to aussie again! Never felt home-sick for very long...suddenly I'm very home-sick again...Anyway, bon voyage bro! Haha...like he will ever see this! lol!

Speaking of my bro, he told me today I speak funny! Haha! It was b'cos I used an exclaimation that he did not understand! Haha! Then I starting speaking l33t 5p34k. For those of u who dunno wat's that...it's elite speak! Haha...dumb I noe...that's wat I wan to tok abt!

L33t is spoken by gamers. N i think it's dumb! (sorry to all gamers out there!) I mean...what's with the pwned! (pwned=owned, dumb rite? haha!) What's the meaning of I pwned u! Sheesh!

Maybe i'm getting old that's y i think that's dumb! lol! I noe that it came abt by pple with pager using code numbers to represent stuff. Hell, I did that when I was young but pager cannot input letters wat...so no choice! Maybe I'm really getting old! Haha...now I noe how those oldies feel abt pple using chatspeak! Ops, n I'm still using chatspeak! Haha...at least it shortens the word n still sort of english!

Juz watched finish matchstick men...it's old i noe...but I think it's good! Really good! I feel so sorry for nicholas cage though...he really loved his "daughter" and only to find out she was conning him...

Well, anyway, happy val day guys! Juz another sch day for me though...no chocolates frm no one...sob sob...haha...like I ever get chocs on V day lydat!

PS: Remember to TAG on my tagboard! Dun leave it empty! Hahaha!

I penned @ 12:50 am
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Friday, February 11, 2005

~Yum yum~

Juz came back frm dinner! Heh heh! My dad's frens are in UK again visiting their kids and they came to visit me again! Had dinner at a chinese restaurant at chinatown again. It wasn't too bad...quite nice actually.

Feel so paiseh though...they kept giving food, like 90% of what I ate was placed in my bowl for me! lol! And it is not very cheap. we ate like 5 dishes and it was 45 pound, almost S$150, and it was not like "da yu da rou" (Big fish big meat, direct translation...haha!)

And above all that, they gave me a 50 pound ang bao! Haha! Paiseh! lol! And they have to drive all the way back to Leicester at this time of the night! *blush*

Jialat...growing fat agin...yesterday i had buffet lunch with my liverpool fren, Helen and her mate, Harman. And went to watch Ocean's 12 after that! Bloody ticket cost 4.40 pound! lol! And i already downloaded that movie in my comp already! Oh well, but it was worth it though! The movie was good and I dun mind watching it in my comp again! Haha!

And another point about growing fat...as usual, my mum sent me food though the fren...gosh, din expect it to be so much! I can declare I dun need to buy snacks for the rest of my stay liaoz! Imagine, I dun even have place to store them! They are currently hiding under my bed! lol! Let's juz hope I remember about them! hahaha!

K...might change my layout later...(finally)

I penned @ 11:11 pm
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Friday, February 04, 2005

~Busy busy busy.....~

Went clubbing yesterday again! 'cos it was kelly's b'day! Was kinda bored at during clubbing though....n feeling sick! no...not b'cos i'm drunk....but probably 'cos the drinks tasted bad! Only one drink was not too bad...

Had dinner at a chinese restaurant before that though...the food tasted like s'pore's food only slightly more salty or sweet! But yeah...it was GOOD! Went to watch a chinese circus after that. Watched too many of this kind of thing liaoz...so wasn't THAT impressed! But i still say they're great! 'cos i noe how much effort this kind of things need n how strict their trainings are! and though it may look easy it really isn't! So i salute them for that!

Well, dun really noe wat else to say liaoz...juz that been busy these few days...with wat? i oso dunno! hahaha...u noe those kind of feeling...feel like u're soooo busy but like have done nothing much? yeah...but think i'm gonna be real busy soon...lots of assignment gonna be due...argh...think i procastinate too much again...so much for my new yr's resolution! But now still not too late to start! So i might not blog so much...n still no idea when i will finally put up the new blogskin! hahaha...so lazy to transfer the codes too!

I penned @ 1:12 am
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