Saturday, May 28, 2005
~Money? Can't get enough of it?~
Someone said to me, "You're the second person I know that does not love money."
It's quite true. I don't love money, I like money.
Like everyone, I want more money. I would love to be rich and not have to worry about money. But it's not everything to me.
Basically, it's b'cos I'm a lazy person. What's that got to do? Well, normally do be rich you have to work hard what. Unless you are the child of the sultan of brunei or Bill Gates or some other rich arse.
Ok, I heard that Bill Gates is not giving his kids the bulk of his money. Just 0.02%...but still that's US10 million! Anyway, let's not digress.
If you give me a choice to work to have more money to spend or to laze around and have just enough for necessities, I rather laze around. Anyway, life is short. I rather enjoy just a little then work my arse off and at the end of the day be too tired to enjoy!
Maybe it's b'cos I've been too spoilt that's why I don't realise the big need to be rich. Blame my dad, he pampers me rotten. He might not get me all the things I want there and then but most of the time, I get it in the end. And those that I don't get, most of them are "wants" anyway and not "needs". I can live without them.
Let's just hope I can get a husband in the future who can provide me like my wonderful dad does! lol! It's rather pathetic I know, but what to do? I'm super-ultra-big-time-lazy-slacker whose big time dream is to be a tai tai and do nothing but shop and have high-tea! I can dream, can't I?
I penned @ 1:20 am
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Thursday, May 26, 2005
~We've won!~
Liverpool won! Wahahaha!
Believe it or not...since I came here it's the first time I've watched a football match! I don't mind watching football once in a while with my friends to have some thrill but I'm not a fan or anything. Hell, I don't even noe footballers' names unless they're really famous or something...u noe...the usual...Beckham, Rooney, Carlos, Ronaldo, etc....
But this is one hell of a match! Recovering from 3-nil...that's amazing!
I penned @ 12:14 am
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
~Hauntings?~
So what happened after the dinner? Nothing much actually...the usual...clubbing.
A funny thing happened when I came back though...normally, I washed my face by mixing hot water and cold but that night, no hot water came out of the hot water tap! Well, anyway I thought nothing of it and decided to see if the hot water comes back in the morning.
Next morning, again! No hot water! I was ready to complain I tell ya! Anyway, I came out of my room, into the corridoor and saw D taking the kettle out of the kitchen...
Me: What are you doing?
D: Going to take a bath (with a surprise-why-do-u-wan-to-know-u-k-po look on her face)
Me: No, I mean with the kettle
D: Oh.....there's no hot water and I can't bathe without hot water!
Me: Oh! So you dun have hot water too! I thought I was the only one!
D: Listen!
Me: Listen to what?!
D: Can't you hear? The sound of running water? Some prick must have left the water on upstairs and drain all the hot water! A (another flatmate) heard it since last night!
True enough, I heard the sound of a tap running as if it was free of charge! (actually it is, since water was included in the rent already) D proceeded to call her friend who was working on guard shift for our accommodation then and complained. During which I realised the sound gets louder in some parts along the corridoor, so I went to check out where it sounded the loudest. I then realised that the sound was really loud at room 2. If you press your ears on room 2's door, it sounded like it was coming from inside!
Now...here's the thing. No one lives in room 2 and it had been always locked, except for a short period time when the management thought someone is gonna move in but that was over 3 months ago. I didn't make much of it anyway 'cos I thought the sound was probably from the room 2 of upstairs!
I then told D to press her ears on room 2's door and listen and she agreed with me that it really sounded like it was from that room. She wanted to go and call her friend again to inform him about our new discovery but just then, he came through our door.
D asked him if he found anything from upstairs and he said no. She then told him to listen at room 2's door. He did and proceeded to unlock the door (they have a master key which can open every door in the accommodation! How cool is that! quite scary oso...imagine if they get a non-trustworthy fellow....anyway, let's get back to the story.) He went in and viola! The hot water tap of room 2 turned on full blast!
Me and D's jaw dropped to the floor I tell ya! I swear the door of room 2 is always locked and anyway her friend had to unlock it, proving that it was locked! So how did the tap turned on the previous night!
*Shudder* Freaky...eerie...scary!
I penned @ 4:27 pm
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Monday, May 23, 2005
~Updates Updates!~
Ok...u all are probably sick of me talking about the issue of friendship...but since we're on that topic I might as well continue rite? Hehe...bear with me...
So how do u know when a person is being your true friend or not? For me, I have a very careful approach in "labelling" someone as a friend since I was betrayed so many times before. It often takes quite a long time and have to go through some certain events that will make me "label" someone as a good friend.
Here I am...living with 4 other girls (or used to anyway...one left already) and I was thinking the other day whether they are my friends or not. Maybe they are now...but I think most likely I would "label" them as someone I know once and befriended but that's it! ok...maybe the better word is aquintance.
However, on last friday, an event made me think otherwise in this relationship I have with my flatmates....
On friday, I went out with 2 of my flatmates, D and N, for dinner. It was D's last night with us as she was moving home the next day. During the course of the dinner, we started talking about D leaving us the next day and how I would leave them "forever". They then started planning a trip that would take place 4 years from now to singapore to see me and how I must take 10 days leave from work (if I have a job then...lol...and yes they intend to stay in sg for 10 days!)
Suddenly, N was apologizing that she is getting emotional and is tearing. Then D told her not to worry, she was not the only one, she is feeling it too. I then turned and looked at both of them...true enough, both their eyes were swelled up with tears! I was shell-shocked I tell ya! (Guess I'm not that emo afterall 'cos I was not really feeling anything!)
It was at that moment that I realised how serious they were treating this friendship. They really meant to keep it going. It touched my heart...it really did.....
By the way...a scary thing happened that night as well...but I shall tell you about it tmr or something.....
I penned @ 11:17 pm
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Sunday, May 22, 2005
~No more hurt~
WARNING: Another long post. Forgive me I have not blog for so long that I just have to make lots of long ones now!
Hi guys! I'm ok now...no more hurt...juz betrayal...but it's ok. what The Double-headed Snake said is no longer hurting...I dunno if I can forgive it but I would say it did behave like a true friend in some points of my life and did help me here and there and I'm grateful for it. But u can't push things that had cut u deeply and forget all about it rite? It will still hang around and float back into ur mind once in a while rite? I do believe what The Double-Headed Snake said was in a spur of a moment and possibly (actually I'm quite sure) that it was because of something I did that angered it or pissed it off.
Sigh...sometimes I wish I'm not such an emo person...I'm too emo...watching a simple movie can make me cry...It's ture k! Who has ever watched "The Land before Time" several times and still cry? I could! And I have first watched that show when I was 7!
Ops...think I've digress.
You noe...I was thinking of starting another blog to start bitch-slapping (is there such a word or did I made that up?) everyone and anyone who made me angry! You noe those kind of bitchy blogs that everyone likes to read about? But I noe that the blog won't last...'cos firstly, I dun really think I'm bitchy enough though sometimes I wish I could be. Secondly, I dun think I have that much of "victims" to bitch about...and finally, if I did made that blogs, the "victims" are mostly likely to be my friends whom have hurt me or made me angry at that point and I would probably regret what I said later. And i would probably hurt them like how I was hurt.
Call me weak...call me a push-over...call me anything u like...but I can never put it in my heart to hurt someone even if I do hate them! yeah...I do sometimes bitch about them behind their backs with someone who mutually hates them too...but who doesn't rite? (or is there really some angelic person out there who really doesn't?)
Oh yeah...I forgot that I did made a vow once never to hurt someone with my mean words again... I made my vow after I lashed out some really hurtful words to someone before. After I did that I realised half of the things I said were really not that true after all and I know I did hurt that person really badly. And like I said...being an emo person....I regretted it and cried my hearts out. And I'm weak.....'till today I had never said sorry to that person.....I dun expect her to forgive me anyway......
I think I digress way too much in this entry.....But I just want to point out that I'm really ok already....I've cleared my head.....
And u noe what? After typing all these out.....I think I can forgive The Double-Headed Snake. I seriously did think that I could not forgive it at all for breaking my heart like that but after typing it all out I feel so calm and at peace. Anyway they always say to forgive and forget rite? Ops, let me repeat that...I would forgive but I dun think I will ever forget.
What can I say? I'm a softy and such a push-over.....even if u hurt me bad and I hate u, if u're ever the slightest kind and nice to me again I'll just put on a smile and carry on......
Lots of friends had hurt me before in my 21 years but I can really say I never hate any of them. (of 'cos I do hate some pple but they are not my friends...haha!) I noe that there will be many more who are gonna hurt me but until then, I dun wanna think about it.......
I penned @ 11:10 pm
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
~After effect~
Minutes after writing the previous entry, the words from The Double-Headed Snake keep sounding in my head. As well as the comments left behind on The Double-Headed Snake's friends...yes, they were insulting to me too...but I dun blame them...they dunno me and were judging me from The Double-Headed Snake's words...
The flood gates open...tears are flowing...I can't help it...
I just wanna shout out to Atiqah, Elaine, Shi Ting, Yihui and Jeannette, whom I know reads my blog that I love you guys! I really really do! Just wanna let you know in case something happens to me (choy)!
Yes, I'm feeling suicidal now despite saying that I would not let it affect me. But how can it not? But dun worry, I won't do anything. I'm not strong...I'm weak...
I penned @ 9:49 pm
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~Deeply hurt.....~
This is gonna be a long entry...sorry...I just have to bitch!
I've just discovered someone's blog just now......
First thought abt finding it was that it would probably be interesting to read it 'cos that person always fill me in with gossips.
Let's call that person "The Double-headed Snake". 'cos that's what he/she does. so that's probably a plus point in reading his/her blog...well, hypocrites always have juicy news isn't it?
I was reading the archives of The Double-headed Snake and anticipating an entry about me. I know there will be one 'cos The Double-headed Snake simple bitches about everyone except u if it (tired of typing he/she) is bitching to u of 'cos!.
When the entry came I was shocked and deeply hurt after reading it. I've already prepared myself for it 'cos I knew all along it is a double-headed snake but I still got hurt in the end. For those who dunno what is a double-headed snake, it is a term use for someone who is a total hypocrite, does one thing in front of u and acts differently behind.
I almost wanted to cry after reading it but I didn't, guess 'cos i'm sort of mentally prepared already and I thought that it wasn't worth it. And anyway half of the things The Double-headed Snake said wasn't even true anyway. I think some magazines should hire The Double-headed Snake and give it a gossip column to write on 'cos The Double-headed Snake really knows how to exaggerate and juice everything. I admit that if the entry about me wasn't about me but someone else it would be interesting to read!
Well, now I'm actually glad that I had chance upon The Double-Headed Snake's blog. It sort of cleared my head a bit about the issue of "Are your friends really your friends?". I always doubted the "friendship" between me and The Double-Headed Snake anyway but I had somehow convince myself a little that we were friends.
Anyway, that sorted out where I'm really placed didn't it? And it certainly made me treasure my friends now...my true friends! And to think I almost ruin one of my closest friendship with someone b'cos of The Double-Headed Snake...well, it's not toally its fault, there were others involved and I would admit that I'm at fault too. But lucky that "ruined" friendship seems to be healing and getting back on track and when I get back to s'pore I would definately try my best to put the friendship back to where it belongs.
U know what? Suddenly I feel sorry for The Double-Headed Snake. I would say The Double-Headed Snake has loads of friends...well as least they do think they are its friends. But now I wonder who are really its friends? I feel pitiful for The Double-Headed Snake now 'cos I dun think it has many true friends and it will never really experience true friendship. I think the reason why The Double-headed Snake always seem to judge things and have things to say in about almost everything is b'cos it is simply too smart. And I think that might bring about its "down-fall" too 'cos it will never enjoy the experience of having someone just being there and having fun with and not to be judged or to judge.
Sometimes (I would think majority of the time) ignorance really is a bliss isn't it?
I know I will continue being hurt by what was written but I think in the long-run I will think back and say "I know of someone who has hurt me before but I wan to thank her/him for she/he had showed me the true worth of a friend".
I penned @ 8:25 pm
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~Music Baa-tonn~
Wah lao ting! Why arrow me the Music Baa-tonn! I got no one to arrow to lehz....
Total volume of music files on my computer :
4.44GB - 1093 Songs, 3 days 54 mins 42 secs
The last CD I bought was :
Eh...so long never buy cd liao lehz...I think is David Tao bah...
Song playing right now :
Shun Zi - Wen zhi ji (On random play mode now)
Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me :
1. NPCC songs
2. Richard Marx & Donna Lewis - At the beginning
3. S Club 7 - S Club Party
4. Ewan McGregor & Nicole Kidman - Come what may
5. David Tao - Ai, hen jian dan
Listen to a lot of songs ar...depending on mood...so tot I juz name some that means something to me or another...
Six people to whom I'm passing the baa-tonn :
Eh...I can only pass to those in my links lehz...and all kena arrowed already...lydat how? I dunno who are my readers lehz...so dunno who to arrow...aiya.....
I noe wat...me gonna keep the baa-tonn! Wahahaha...dunno come near me or I will whack u with it!
I penned @ 5:36 pm
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Saturday, May 07, 2005
~epitome of suay-ness~
I can't believe how suay I am! I have the intention of having a world wide web plea to pray for me! But on second thoughts, whatever will be will be.
Que Sara Sara, whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see...K...shut up...(talking to myself there)...Sorry, I'm digressing.
I should have seen the signs of suay-ness coming. I always have such signs but obviously most of the time I'm oblivious to it!
On Wed, I cut myself while opening a can of corned beef.
On Thurs, I had an exam...and by the looks of it...I might jolly well have failed it. And my chance of getting my 2nd upper class degree is definately gone. Here's where my plea comes in. I juz wan to fucking pass that module that's all I ask! I dun care abt the class of honours i get anymore!
The worst part of that exam was that I studied! Not like I din! Ok...I din study all the topics...like who will anyway afterall u have a choice of questions u wan to do! And for all the topics I studied, the questions that came out the answers haven even been taught before! And those I din study came out so freaking easy and straight forward! Like WTF!
Oh ya...and I cut myself again that day. I dunno how...juz saw the cut...
I thought that the day won't get any worse...but how wrong can I get? That night while I was cutting my nails...I found out that my ring has gone missing! Fuck! Dunno when and how it has gone missing! I wear that ring 24/7 so how did it juz disappear like that? Dun tell me I lost so much weight that it juz slipped out like that! That's impossible! Fuck! I searched my whole room already...it's still MIA!
I juz saw another cut on my finger...
Dad said he's confident that I will pass. I'm totally not. For the second time in my life I feel so lost and the future looks so bleak. I'm scared that the past will come back and haunt me...and the cycle of suay-ness come back again. It seems like everything that can go wrong will go wrong now.....I'm depress.....I'm falling, falling into a dark, lifeless, hopeless abyss...
I penned @ 3:10 pm
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