|| See me as I @m

Thursday, March 31, 2005

~Turn on the waterworks.....y dun u?~

I've been crying at least once a day for the past few days....

Probably due to the hormonal changes shit...and as well as other things....

My mum called me today and hit me with a bad news...for the past few months my mum had not been feeling very well...particularly at the reproductive system area...yea...u noe where...she did lots of tests already but did not have any conclusive results yet...

However, K K hospital did mention in her report of the presence of abnormal cells. As I could not see the report...I could not try to interpret and know how serious it is. However, K K did call her back n given her an all clear as well. My mum's confused, I'm confused!

How can pain and discomfort be nothing wrong? How can time and time again of abnormal results be normal? And how can u do nothing abt it if it's abnormal?

My mum did go to her own personal gynae to check as well...this very gd, very experienced (who, by the way, delivered me) and very ex as well gynae...to get a second opinion. She din tell me much wat this gynae said though...I think she said that he said nothing was particularly alarming (or something along that line) but should go for this $2000++ laser operation to be on the safe side...wat this op's gonna do for her I oso dunno...I'm guessing to remove the abnormal cells....

Anyway, my mum has decided to do that op...she wasn't sure if she wanted to spend that money (I would knock her head if I could!) as first...and saying stupid things like if she dies it's very "zi de" (worth it) b'cos she has tons of insurance that we can claim and get tons of money (makes me wanna knock her head even more!)...but I think she realised it's better to be on the safe side!

I just hope all goes well and nothing goes wrong! I'm gonna try to get my mum to scan her results and send to me so that I can try to analyse and hopefully put some ease on my mind! But my mum is a total techno idiot...hai...so I might not even get to see the results till it's all over.....

I penned @ 10:30 pm
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Monday, March 28, 2005

~Fucked!~

Did I tell you I feel fucked? Well, yes, I feel fucked!

Did I tell you I'm sick? Well, I'll tell you again, I'm damn fucking sick!

Argh...and I can't do anything abt it! Before u go telling me to do the obvious...get some medicine and go to sleep...let me tell you this; I've gotten sick at the wrong bloody fucking time! It's gd friday and easter week man! All bloody shops are closed so I can't even get any fucking medicine! And for sleep...I've been sleeping for 12 whole hours these few days and when I wake up I parked my lazy ass on the couch in front of the tv all day long so dun u go telling me I dun have enough rest!

Argh...think I'm gonna go through that bloody emotional cycle again! I feel terrible so I comfort myself by eating! (yes! eating is such a comfort to me!) And den I feel happy! Budden I get fat and probably more sick as well and I feel horrid and disgusted! And u noe the rest of the circle effect.....

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I penned @ 12:26 pm
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Thursday, March 24, 2005

~Bad mood~

I'm in a bad mood today....really really REALLY BAD mood!

Guess it's 'cos I woke up sick! Yes....and it's terrible!

And early in the morning (ok ok....afternoon...I din't wake up till 12!) I watched tv and a depressing song came up...something I have not heard for a long time....and it almost made me cry! It was "The End of the World".....

Why does the sun go on shining?
Why does the sea rush to shore?
Don't they know it's the end of the world,
`cause you don't love me anymore?

Why do the birds go on singing?
Why do the stars glow above?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when I lost your love.

I wake up in the morning and I wonder why ev'rything's the same as it was.
I can't understand, no I can't understand, how life goes on the way it does!

Why does my heart go on beating?
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
Don't they know it's the end of the world?
It ended when you said good-bye.

I penned @ 10:59 pm
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Wednesday, March 23, 2005

~Manchester~

I went to Manchester today! Finally! But I did not manage to get the things I went there for.....yes....Man U jerseys! lol!

Was quite sianz for quite a while 'cos nothing to buy....went all the way there and could not get anything! Anyway, went into this mall 2 hours before the time to come back to liverpool and found out the things there are soooo cheap! I managed to get a bag and a bikini! Haha....for only 3 pound and 7 pound respectively! Where can u find a bikini set for S$21 huh huh! Wahahaha!

So it wasn't that bad after all! No idea if I will go there again juz to find that bloody man u shop! Hahaha!

I penned @ 10:35 pm
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Saturday, March 19, 2005

~Cold turkey....~

Think I'm gonna go cold turkey for a bit....yes...i think i've been going clubbing too much! Hahaha!

Ok...it's not really a lot....4 times in 4 months (twice this week! Sheesh! *shakes head at myself*)....but it's much much more than when i'm in s'pore....and i'm getting a bit uncomfortable with that....hahaha....guess i'm not really a clubbing person huh?

Well...I do like going clubbing with my galfriends in s'pore....guess cos they are my true blue close friends so I feel more comfortable with them....and it's better in s'pore in that the guys there dun juz go picking up any erm...girls(what's the female version of tom, dick and harry? sue, jane and sally? Hahaha)!

Not that I dun enjoy going clubbing here....but eh....guess cos i'm more with myself and can really go crazy with my gfs.....and ya...the guys here are trying too hard and aggressive to pick up (ok...i'm gonna be crude here...) anything with breasts and pussy! hahaha! It's true!

Think my mates are still gonna ask me out....gotta think of excuses to not go! Hahaha! Or juz ignore all msges! lol! I'm juz gonna go when I absolutely have to! Gonna miss the cute bartender at mood! Wahahaha! j/k!

I penned @ 9:49 pm
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Friday, March 18, 2005

~Hols hols hols!~

Did I tell u I'm on holidays? Yup yup! I am! 2 weeks easter break! *punches hand up into air* Manchester here I come! Hopefully.....

But it's not much break oso actually.....gotta complete my project report and study for 2 bloody tests which are on the same day! Damn!

Speaking of project....I noe my project presentation grades already....hahaha....I've got a whooping 86%! Wahahaha.....hopefully the grades won't get change after seeing the rest of the students! Argh....but it's only 10% of the whole project! Shit! I wish it was more now.....hahahaha!

I penned @ 5:27 pm
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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

~Something i must do....~

My 21st b'day had came and gone.....meant to put this up yesterday....as it is something I should do on my 21st b'day...but din really have time...so i'll put it now anyway....

It's a little tribute to anyone who were, are and will always be my friends....

To those whom I have hurt before:
I'm sorry. Especially to those whom I should have been a gd fren to but in the end I became a real bitch and became those superficial kind of fren so that I could please others. I'm sorry...I shouldn't have hurt u. I think u noe who u r. I'm sorry I dun have the courage to name u and tell u all this in person. I'm sorry.

To all those frens I have lost:
Sorry I did not try to keep contact with you all. It's the one big regret of my life...

Last but not least, to all the frens who are still with me and forgiven me for the above mentioned:
I'm ~~glad~~ ~~happy~~ blessed to have frens like u. You dunno how much u all mean to me. Since I dun really have many true frens anyway, u noe u guys are like finding a needle in a haystack, finding a lost ring in the sea, finding back the same dollar note u used before....u get my drift....I promise to treasure u and try not to ever placed u in the above catergories. Please continue to be patient with me, bear my nonsense, hit me in the head to wake up my bloody ideas, and most of all...please continue to shower ur cares and concerns on me...I dunno what I will do without u guys.....life will probably be meaningless without u.....I owe u guys my eternal gratitude......

I penned @ 5:56 pm
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Monday, March 07, 2005

~Woohoo!!!!~

Juz to let u noe.........

I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed! I passed!

Yeah...I passed my exams! Hahahaha!

Ok, i'm crazy....but I'm in ecstasy! Hahaha! Not that I got great marks....I only got 56 for one and 61 for the other....lol! But i'm relieved to even pass! Hahaha!

I penned @ 10:13 pm
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Saturday, March 05, 2005

~A different kind of day...~

I miss my baby already...he's in the air somewhere...off to taiwan.

I'm guessing that u will say "What's the difference? U're both still in different countries!" Well, at least when he's in s'pore i have the hope that i might see him on msn...but now that hope is gone...at least for almost a whole month!

Went shopping juz now...was so happy to have the sun glaring at me! lol! In s'pore, I really hate the sun sometimes...and here it's the totally opposite! Feeling the sun's rays on ur skin here is such a joy...juz like the feeling of having a nice breeze blow on ur skin in s'pore when the sun is shining brightly!

U noe how in s'pore on a really hot day when u pass by a shopping centre...or anywhere that has air-con for that matter...and the door opens and u feel the cool relieve of the air-con blowing? U will go "aaawwwww...." natually in pleasure won't u? Well, i walk past this guy juz now while shopping and he did juz that! only that it wasn't air-con flowing out of the doors but the heat frm a heater! Couldn't help smiling and almost giggle at that 'cos it's juz so different frm what i'm used to!

I wonder how and when I will adapt when I get back to hot, sticky and sunny s'pore when I go back!

I penned @ 5:25 pm
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