Saturday, May 07, 2005
~epitome of suay-ness~
I can't believe how suay I am! I have the intention of having a world wide web plea to pray for me! But on second thoughts, whatever will be will be.
Que Sara Sara, whatever will be, will be. The future's not ours to see...K...shut up...(talking to myself there)...Sorry, I'm digressing.
I should have seen the signs of suay-ness coming. I always have such signs but obviously most of the time I'm oblivious to it!
On Wed, I cut myself while opening a can of corned beef.
On Thurs, I had an exam...and by the looks of it...I might jolly well have failed it. And my chance of getting my 2nd upper class degree is definately gone. Here's where my plea comes in. I juz wan to fucking pass that module that's all I ask! I dun care abt the class of honours i get anymore!
The worst part of that exam was that I studied! Not like I din! Ok...I din study all the topics...like who will anyway afterall u have a choice of questions u wan to do! And for all the topics I studied, the questions that came out the answers haven even been taught before! And those I din study came out so freaking easy and straight forward! Like WTF!
Oh ya...and I cut myself again that day. I dunno how...juz saw the cut...
I thought that the day won't get any worse...but how wrong can I get? That night while I was cutting my nails...I found out that my ring has gone missing! Fuck! Dunno when and how it has gone missing! I wear that ring 24/7 so how did it juz disappear like that? Dun tell me I lost so much weight that it juz slipped out like that! That's impossible! Fuck! I searched my whole room already...it's still MIA!
I juz saw another cut on my finger...
Dad said he's confident that I will pass. I'm totally not. For the second time in my life I feel so lost and the future looks so bleak. I'm scared that the past will come back and haunt me...and the cycle of suay-ness come back again. It seems like everything that can go wrong will go wrong now.....I'm depress.....I'm falling, falling into a dark, lifeless, hopeless abyss...
I penned @ 3:10 pm
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