Sunday, May 22, 2005
~No more hurt~
WARNING: Another long post. Forgive me I have not blog for so long that I just have to make lots of long ones now!
Hi guys! I'm ok now...no more hurt...juz betrayal...but it's ok. what The Double-headed Snake said is no longer hurting...I dunno if I can forgive it but I would say it did behave like a true friend in some points of my life and did help me here and there and I'm grateful for it. But u can't push things that had cut u deeply and forget all about it rite? It will still hang around and float back into ur mind once in a while rite? I do believe what The Double-Headed Snake said was in a spur of a moment and possibly (actually I'm quite sure) that it was because of something I did that angered it or pissed it off.
Sigh...sometimes I wish I'm not such an emo person...I'm too emo...watching a simple movie can make me cry...It's ture k! Who has ever watched "The Land before Time" several times and still cry? I could! And I have first watched that show when I was 7!
Ops...think I've digress.
You noe...I was thinking of starting another blog to start bitch-slapping (is there such a word or did I made that up?) everyone and anyone who made me angry! You noe those kind of bitchy blogs that everyone likes to read about? But I noe that the blog won't last...'cos firstly, I dun really think I'm bitchy enough though sometimes I wish I could be. Secondly, I dun think I have that much of "victims" to bitch about...and finally, if I did made that blogs, the "victims" are mostly likely to be my friends whom have hurt me or made me angry at that point and I would probably regret what I said later. And i would probably hurt them like how I was hurt.
Call me weak...call me a push-over...call me anything u like...but I can never put it in my heart to hurt someone even if I do hate them! yeah...I do sometimes bitch about them behind their backs with someone who mutually hates them too...but who doesn't rite? (or is there really some angelic person out there who really doesn't?)
Oh yeah...I forgot that I did made a vow once never to hurt someone with my mean words again... I made my vow after I lashed out some really hurtful words to someone before. After I did that I realised half of the things I said were really not that true after all and I know I did hurt that person really badly. And like I said...being an emo person....I regretted it and cried my hearts out. And I'm weak.....'till today I had never said sorry to that person.....I dun expect her to forgive me anyway......
I think I digress way too much in this entry.....But I just want to point out that I'm really ok already....I've cleared my head.....
And u noe what? After typing all these out.....I think I can forgive The Double-Headed Snake. I seriously did think that I could not forgive it at all for breaking my heart like that but after typing it all out I feel so calm and at peace. Anyway they always say to forgive and forget rite? Ops, let me repeat that...I would forgive but I dun think I will ever forget.
What can I say? I'm a softy and such a push-over.....even if u hurt me bad and I hate u, if u're ever the slightest kind and nice to me again I'll just put on a smile and carry on......
Lots of friends had hurt me before in my 21 years but I can really say I never hate any of them. (of 'cos I do hate some pple but they are not my friends...haha!) I noe that there will be many more who are gonna hurt me but until then, I dun wanna think about it.......
I penned @ 11:10 pm
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